Roy Mustang and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
by Riza's Cupcakes
Summary: Even when nothing goes right, Riza Hawkeye is always there to help out. School!AU


**A/N: I wrote this for chewytriforce on tumblr, who draws a wonderful school!AU, among other things. You should follow her!**

* * *

In retrospect, Roy probably should have taken the broken coffee maker in the faculty lounge as an omen. He had barely had time to brush his teeth after hitting the snooze button six times, and he was desperately in need of caffeine. After several minutes of hopeful tinkering, however, it was now not only malfunctioning but also in several pieces, which he shoved into the cupboard until he could find someone who knew how to put it back together. At least he had remembered to unplug it first.

"There you are, Mr. Mustang," Riza said from the doorway and he froze. "Is something wrong?"

"The—the coffee maker's—it's gone," he said. If she helped him look for it, he was toast.

She crossed the room to stand beside him. "That's funny. It was right here half an hour ago." She reached toward the cupboard but her hand stopped just before it reached the handle. "We can find it later. We'll be late if we don't leave now."

"Late for what?" Roy's relief faded rapidly as he realized he must have forgotten something important.

"The weekly faculty meeting," she said, clearly concerned. "Maybe we do need to find that coffee maker after all."

"No! I mean, I wouldn't want you to be late because of me, Ms. Hawkeye," he added quickly when her eyes narrowed.

Riza relaxed. "If you're sure you don't need it, we should go."

As he followed her out of the room, Roy had another idea. "Save a seat for me," he said. Without waiting for a response, he raced for the vending machines. In his wallet, he found a twenty dollar bill, three paper clips, and a picture of Elicia that Hughes must have slipped in there at some point. His pockets contained only lint and a dry cleaning receipt. Desperate, he rifled through his bag until he had enough change to buy a Coke. He had to kick the machine to get it to fall, but at last, the bottle was in his hand and he rushed to the meeting and sank into the seat Riza had saved for him.

"Thanks, Ms. Hawk—hey! What was that for?" he said as she snatched the Coke away from him before he could open it and set it on the floor on the opposite side of her chair.

"You were just sprinting with that," she said under her breath. "What do you think would happen if you opened it?"

"Right." He tried to focus on the meeting, but as the principal began to talk, Roy felt his eyelids begin to droop. Even though he didn't remember falling asleep, a sharp jab in the ribs woke him. "Huh?"

Without looking away from the principal, Riza managed to slip the Coke bottle into Roy's lap without looking. It wasn't like her to miss on accident, so she must have noticed he was asleep. He rubbed the sore spot briefly before opening the bottle and taking a long drink. Not nearly as satisfying as coffee, but it would have to do.

After the meeting, he said goodbye to Riza and went to his classroom. He sat at his desk and pulled out a stack of papers. He had stayed up far too late grading them even without reading a single one thoroughly. In his defense, he had meant to get an early start, but been forced to spend the better part of the evening making sure his kitchen was spotless again after cooking dinner. And who could have guessed that grilled cheese and tomato soup could make such a mess?

The bell rang and first period's students trickled into the room, all of them looking more awake than Roy felt, even after the Coke. He called roll, then picked someone to pass back the papers while he went to the library to find a movie. After scanning all the titles on the shelf, he picked an incredibly boring film based on one of the books he'd made his students read the previous month. As long as the students fell asleep, he could fall asleep too.

"Alright, class, today's a movie day," he said when he got back. "No worksheet."

The students cheered as he put it in and sat his desk. He hit the play button without looking up. It took only a minute for him to realize something was wrong. The music was too loud, the characters sounded wrong, and the class seemed a little too interested. Turning his head, he looked up at the screen. This definitely wasn't the movie he had picked. Swearing under his breath, he turned off the TV. The class groaned, but at least their parents wouldn't be calling the principal later to ask why he had shown them the incredibly violent blockbuster that was definitely not appropriate for children, and _definitely should not have been in a school library. _

"Change of plans, everyone. Pull out your in-class journals." Roy scribbled a prompt on the board.

"Excuse me, Mr. Mustang? We don't _have_ in-class journals."

"Of course you do," he said. "It's in the syllabus. Didn't any of you actually _read_ the syllabus?" Everyone shook their heads in unison. "Right. Pull out a sheet of paper. This is worth five points of extra credit."

He put the DVD back in the case and marched to the library, where he opened it to show Sheska.

"That shouldn't be here. I don't even think we have that movie here," she said, adjusting her glasses.

"So you're saying some poor idiot out there gave up this movie for a terrible one?" Roy shook his head.

Sheska tapped her cheek and closed her eyes for a moment. "You were the last person to check this movie out, Mr. Mustang. Three weeks ago."

As soon as she said it, he remembered. He hadn't wanted to reread the book before making his class read it, so he had decided to borrow the movie. "Thank you, Sheska. I think I'll keep this for now."

"Have a nice day," she said.

Thankfully, the rest of the period and the two that followed it went smoothly; Roy even started to wake up by the time the bell signaled the end of third period. He left the classroom with the students and headed for the bathroom. When he left, he ran into Riza as she came out of the ladies' room.

"Hey, Ms. Hawkeye," he said, straightening his tie.

Riza stopped and her lips curled into a tiny smile when she looked at him. "Hello, Mr. Mustang."

"Would you like to eat lunch together today?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm giving a test next period, so I'll be spending lunch in my room grading it. Maybe some other time." She started walking in the opposite direction for a moment before pausing to add, "By the way, I found the coffee maker. It looks like someone broke it and hid it when they couldn't put it back together. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

"No?"

Riza's eyes narrowed. "So you lied to me. Why didn't you just tell me you broke it? We could have found a janitor or Mr. Fuery—who fixed it, by the way."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't want you to know what I'd done. It was already broken and I tried to fix it and—"

"It's fine, Mr. Mustang," she assured him. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get to class."

He watched her walk away for a little longer than he should have before heading off to his class. The bell had already rung by the time he got there, and when he looked at the students, he was almost tempted to put the movie on, R-rated or not. Edward Elric looked even more smug than usual—in fact, there was something suspicious about the entire class. Sure, they looked innocent enough, but there was something about Alphonse's face that made him wonder just what they had done while they waited for him to show up. He called roll and asked Winry to pass the papers back.

After a few minutes, Ed burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" Roy demanded.

Ed held up a post-it note and Roy's heart sank. He pulled out his planner and realized his mistake. The post-it that read _Better luck next time, Elric _was stuck to the cover. Burying his face in his hands, Roy groaned. "Please give that to me, Edward."

"I suppose I should," Ed said. "How will you ever remember to ask Ms. Hawkeye if she wants to come over for dinner if you don't have this? And do you always call her—"

"Give me that or I'll change your grade to an F." Roy held out one hand, opening and closing his fingers.

"Alright, alright." Ed crumpled the note and tossed it at Roy. As he did, a phone went off; it had one of those obnoxious generic ringtones and Roy had no idea whose it was.

"I'm going to have to take that too, unless you put it on silent right now."

No one moved.

"I am going to count to—"

The phone went off again.

"Alright, whose is it?" Instinct told him it was Ed's, but it sounded like it was coming from somewhere else. When it went off a third time, he realized it was in the ceiling. How Edward Elric of all people could have managed to get his phone up there, he had no idea, but he had a feeling he had enlisted his classmates for help. Coming out from behind his desk, Roy climbed onto Ed's desk and lifted the ceiling tile enough to slide it out of place. He reached up to feel around for it, hoping there weren't any spiders up there. When he found the phone, he checked the lock screen. Two texts from Ling and one from Winry. He collected their phones as well. Ed didn't even seem to care; if anything, he looked pleased with himself. Roy decided to change his grade on the paper to an F anyway.

By the end of the period, Roy was happier to escape to lunch than any of his students, and he raced out the door with the phones still locked in his desk. He whistled as he walked to the cafeteria and stepped in line behind Maes.

"Bad day, Roy?" he asked.

"I don't really want to talk about it."

"It can't be all bad. You got to sit next to Ms. Riza in the meeting this morning." Maes nudged Roy in the ribs.

He shrugged. "I guess. She didn't read any of the notes I tried to pass."

"What kind of notes were they?" Maes sounded far too interested for Roy's liking.

"I just wanted to know if she likes lasagna. Everyone likes lasagna, right?"

"So you're finally going to use one of my recipes after all." Maes cleaned his glasses on his shirt. "I'm sure she'll love it."

"If you say so. I think I'm going to talk to her once I get my food." Just because she didn't want to eat in the crowded faculty lounge didn't mean she wouldn't let him sit in her classroom. He hoped. Just in case, he swiped an extra chocolate milk when he reached the front of the line.

A few minutes later, he knocked on the door to Riza's classroom. She looked up and motioned for him to come in.

"I brought you this," he said, setting the chocolate milk beside the paper bag on her desk.

"Thank you."

Roy started to sit at a desk in the front row, but when she returned her attention to the test she was grading, he hesitated. "Do you mind if I sit here?"

"Go ahead. I'm very busy right now, so I apologize if I'm not very talkative." She resumed marking the test.

"I don't mind. It's a nice change—Maes usually talks my ear off." Roy cleared his throat. "Anyway, I came here to ask if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight."

That got her attention. She even set her pen down. "I'd like that. What time?"

Roy was so surprised he almost dropped his milk. "How about five?"

"Isn't that a bit early for dinner?" she asked, pulling out her planner to write it down.

"I thought we could have a nice chat first, maybe open a bottle of wine while dinner's still in the oven." God, why was he so nervous? It was just dinner. A nice, friendly dinner that could maybe possibly be construed as a date if he was very, very lucky.

She looked up at him again, this time with a smile. "I'll see you at five, then."

"Really? I mean—great!"

The afternoon passed slowly after that. In fifth period, he discovered he had left the class's papers home, and he spent sixth and seventh watching the clock while the students read. He didn't even try to stop the few who decided to play hangman on the board instead. After the final bell, he ran straight to his car, where he found Ed, Winry, Ling, and Alphonse.

"Don't you have a bus to catch?" he asked, irritated.

"We'd like our phones back," Ed said. He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Roy had completely forgotten about that. "Come with me, but make it quick. I've got things to do."

"Like getting ready for your date with Ms. Hawkeye?" Ed teased.

Damn that kid. How did he even know? Deciding it didn't matter, so long as he wasn't late, Roy led the way back to his classroom. "I don't want to see these again, you hear?"

"Yes, Mr. Mustang," they said in unison—including Alphonse, who looked more embarrassed than the other three put together. _How _a suit of armor managed that, he would never know, but he didn't have time to question it. He left the four of them as soon as he locked the classroom door.

At the store, he checked the recipe on his phone to make sure he had all the ingredients. He stacked them precariously in his arms as he went, wondering why he hadn't thought to grab a cart, or at the very least, a basket. On the way out to his car, the bag carrying the jar of tomato sauce split, splattering glass and sauce all over. Roy picked up the rest of the groceries that had fallen out and placed them in other bags, which he took to the car before running back into the store.

He finally made it home twenty minutes later, and immediately began sautéing the meat. When it was almost done, he put the water on for the noodles and started gathering the rest of the ingredients. As he looked them over, he frowned. Cottage cheese? That wasn't in the recipe. He went back to the fridge to check again, then dug the receipt from his pocket. According to the recipe, he was supposed to have bought ricotta cheese, whatever that was. They must have been right next to each other on the shelf, but he had no time to run back to the store. Riza would be here any minute and—and that was the doorbell. Tugging nervously at his collar, he left the kitchen to answer it. Riza held out a bottle of wine. "Thanks for inviting me over," she said.

She had changed into a dress and her hair was down, but even though a hundred compliments sprang to his mind, the only thing he could think about for longer than a second was how terrible her timing was. "You're here early," he said, hoping he didn't sound as panicked as he felt.

"I was already in the neighborhood and I thought you'd like it if I surprised you. I can leave if you want."

He shook his head. "No, please don't go. In fact, why don't you stay here and watch the food while I go to the store?"

"What did you forget?" she asked. "Maybe I could help."

"I bought the wrong kind of cheese," he said.

She followed him kitchen, setting her purse and bottle on the counter as she looked everything over. "Do you mean this?" she asked, picking up the tub of cottage cheese.

"Yeah, the recipe calls for ricotta." Roy ran a hand over his hair, feeling sheepish. Out of everything that had gone wrong all day, couldn't he at least have gotten dinner right?

Riza put a hand on his shoulder. "It's alright. They're similar enough you can use this." She glanced at the recipe for a moment. "Just leave out the eggs because it's already wet."

"You're a lifesaver, Riza," he said. He could have kissed her, but he didn't dare. They had only recently gotten on a first-name basis outside of work, and judging by her outfit, this was their very first date.

"It's no trouble. I've had a lot of experience cooking in my life," she said, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"And you look very nice tonight, too. I should have said that when you first got here."

"Thanks," she said. "So do you."

He couldn't tell if she was serious or not. After all, he hadn't had time to change since he got home, his shirt was half-untucked, and he hadn't put his tie back into place after covering the meat. "If you say so."

Clearing her throat, Riza stepped away. "I think we should get back to cooking, don't you?"

"Yeah, that sounds great. But you should wear this. I'd hate for you to ruin your dress." Roy pulled a towel from a drawer and handed it to her.

Riza drained the pasta and laid the noodles out in the pan while Roy mixed the cheese. _I could get used to this_, he thought, smiling as he watched her. Cooking with her—hell, even spending time with her outside of work just felt so _right_ that, once the lasagna was in the oven, and they sat in the living room with a glass of wine each, he couldn't keep it in any longer. "Let's do this again sometime," he said.

She looked surprised, but she held up her glass. "I'd like that."

"Finally," he said, shaking his head. "Something went right."


End file.
